Intro: Entry #4 of Sanjana’s story.
She looked forward to the visits to her grandmas. She always learned something new, there was always some wise words that impacted her- giving her something to ponder about later and work on achieving for herself.
This time around however, the banter they exchanged seemed different. “You are almost 23 now”, her grandmother reminded her, “I have been waiting to share with you so many things, you will finally be able to relate to and understand”.
And then she began, as she tucked her silver hair behind her ears, and eased into her rocking chair…
I have had various instances at this point of my life where I have felt as though this could be it, and I may be breathing my last.
I used to always wonder what one thinks when they think they are about to die? What are the memories one’s subconscious decides to revisit for the last time?
I was so sure it would be people I loved, my favorite things I was still attached to and sad about having to leave behind on this Earth. I was wrong.
I wish I had known in my youth, what I know now. You realize at that moment of your life, you are alone. You are leaving everything and everyone behind, and are going with nothing.
The things that came into my head were purely the times I enjoyed the most in my life, where I felt sincere happiness, from doing things I truly wanted to do. The times when I would dance alone and scream to music in the bathroom halfway through my shower before tripping and then laughing at myself for half an hour, the books I would reread again and again which derived me so much pleasure…
Sanjana drifted off. She couldn’t bear to hear anymore. She was living all wrong. Yet again, another lesson she needed to learn- her biggest weakness was what was ruining her, and she did not want to waste her life in regret. She had only one of them.
“The root of suffering is attachment”, Buddha.