Always “longing”.

Intro: Entry # 6 of Sanjana’s story.

Sanjana’s mind started to drift off as her acquaintance tucked into her fourth nostalgic story.
She couldn’t help but feel tired of the same kinds of conversations with the same few people she was meeting. The same complaints, the same dreams, the same thoughts…

When would she ever feel fulfilled from an encounter that would finally take her soul out of its starvation?
It just seemed as though she kept hoping to swim into a deeper part of their minds, but would always end up splashing in shallow waters.

It felt like she was missing a connection somewhere, but couldn’t figure out where the plug needed to go. All the sockets were either loose or simply would not fit.
However, it wasn’t loneliness, she didn’t feel alone. It was more so a feeling of longing.
Wanting more, something else, craving anything but this.

Would that need to come from internally or externally?
How would she achieve it, where would she find these people, things, place?

Then she remembered she felt it once. That fully satiated state, and there haven’t been a few months that don’t go by where she doesn’t think about that time. Out of the blue, when she was sad, when she felt like she needed hope, she just thought about that time again and felt better. A beautiful friendship, her first love, a perfectly compatible connection.  It must exist out there, in another form, heck she would prefer it to be a platonic one so that at least this time, it would last forever. And if it didn’t—hey, at least she got to experience once in this lifetime?

You know how they say when you truly stop searching for something, you stumble upon it? Well, that’s precisely what happened. She had made peace with the frivolous encounters she kept experiencing, she just accepted that for now, this is what she had to make do with—and then she met Jamie.

Sanjna was really not in the mood to socialize that night, she was quite literally dragged out of the house by a friend to this house party, and the minute she walked in her eyes were drawn straight to this beautiful human, and well…suddenly she didn’t mind being out anymore. Jamie’s eyes were the kind of green you rarely come across in anything other than movie screens; light with soft swirls of gold mixed in there. Thick, messy hair that almost seemed to be combed to look that perfectly casual. Tattoos, her weakness, placed exactly where she would have wanted them to be on herself too.

But let’s just stop right there with those descriptions because funnily enough, Jamie’s physical appearance was the boring part of the package…

Within the first fifteen minutes after their introductions, Jamie and Sanjana both knew they were feeling the same level of butterflies for each other that they really hadn’t felt in a very long time. No, not the lustful kind but the soulful kind—and yes, there is a difference. Its sad people don’t talk about those ones enough, perhaps because they barely come out?

Or perhaps these butterflies are just hard to describe in words…

All Sanjana could really say to her friends the next day, is that she felt as though Jamie’s soul and her soul embraced that night.
And the feeling that gave her, was one she would think about for days and days to come.

She didn’t know if she would ever see Jamie again, and she didn’t really want to. Jamie would always remain a perfect and beautiful memory, and she wanted to treasure that forever instead of trying to extend that encounter and ruin it.

But her issues with anything close to even the concept of a relationship is a story for another day.

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